Why learning to say no liberates us
Trying to please people. You know what it’s like, don’t you? A barrage of “Yes, yes, yes!” when deep down, all you want to do is say no.
I’ve been contemplating why my life suddenly feels as if it is under someone else’s control. When friends ask, “Vinia! Would you like to come and visit us for dinner this Friday?” I find myself nodding my head, exclaiming, “Yes, of course (as long as social distancing is in place)!”, then subsequently regretting the very words that came out of my mouth. I’ll swiftly ask myself, “Why the hell did I say that? All I want is to relax on Friday and read my books instead!”
The funny thing about “people-pleasing” is that there will always be one person who ends up displeased: you!
In order to show honesty to others, you have to start by being honest with yourself. Ask yourself: “Do I really want to do that? Am I saying yes simply to please people and by extension, ignoring my own needs and preferences?”
If you don’t want to do it, you can simply decline politely and let others know you have different plans in place. Will they be offended? Probably not. They will most likely invite other people over instead.
It’s perfectly okay for you to say no. It’s perfectly acceptable to put your needs and preferences before others. This is not being selfish; it’s just being true to yourself.
Alternatively, if you find yourself stuck in the middle ( i.e. you want to join your friends for dinner as well as catch up with your reading), you can simply say, “I’d love to visit you for dinner, but I have to leave by 9 pm as I’ve made plans for myself. Is that okay?.” If it’s not, then the decision has been made for you. If it is, then the same applies.
