The First Time I Took Myself Somewhere. The beauty of doing something just for me
I didn’t set out to find something profound. I just wanted to try something I’d never done before. A solo break. And this time, it happened. Not far from home. A beautiful seaside town called Eastbourne.
So I packed light. No agenda, no one to please, no one to consult. To my surprise, my mind felt light, too. None of the unnecessary clutter that didn’t help. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. It just felt like I had everything I needed.
I was so excited on my way to the train station. It all felt automatic. For once, I didn’t have to ask anyone what they wanted to do. I didn’t even have to think.
I was the boss. That was the most important thing: doing things when I was ready and when I wanted to. I could wake up whenever I wanted. Go to bed whenever I felt like it. I didn’t have to wait for anyone. I had total freedom.
I could be messy without worrying about it. When paying for a meal, I only had to think about myself. I didn’t have to think about splitting the bill, which, when I’m on holiday, I never really want to do anyway.
When I checked in, I didn’t realise straight away. It was only when I looked over at the restaurant, the conservatory overlooking the sea, that it hit me. And a memory came back. My mother and I had once had lunch there. And suddenly I thought, Oh my God… this is the place. This was the same hotel where we stayed almost four decades ago.
That morning, while I was having breakfast, they played a piece by Richard Clayderman, the kind of music my mother used to love. I felt a lump in my throat. But not from sadness. Just from something deep. I knew she was there with me. Not in the room, but in that moment. And for a short while, it didn’t feel like I was completely on my own.
Perhaps that was the reason why I decided to take this trip alone. My mom would have told me lovingly and kindly, “See? I knew you would enjoy it. And you should do it again. You have to do what’s right for your soul.”
I think I will.
Now that I’ve experienced the goodness of travelling solo, I can look forward not just to more solo moments, but also to being with others wholeheartedly.
