Hey, Neurotypical! What Do You Do When You Meet Someone Who Is Neurodivergent?
Existence on this planet is a two-way dimension.
There are numerous guides available for autistic people. How they should behave, act, or adjust when they’re with neurotypicals. So I thought, “Hang on a minute!” Why is it always them who have to adapt to us? Is that fair to the neurodivergent?
Will neurotypicals become better as humans if they try as well?
Striving leads to growth. As a mother of one, I thought I’d make one — a guide for non-autistic people on how to deal with autistic people. Not medical. Not clinical. Just human. Just real.
And here are some of the things I’ve learned:
1. When you’re going out with someone who is autistic, let them know who else will be there.
Don’t just bring someone along with you unexpectedly. Autistic people value familiarity. If you intend to bring someone, please let them know ahead of time. Say something like: “I’m planning to bring Jake with me to our lunch. We went to the same college together. Are you okay with that?” That way, they won’t feel surprised or uncomfortable. It’s just kindness.
2. Turn up on time. And if you’re going to be late, let them know.
Yes, this applies to everyone, but for autistic people, it’s even more important. And of course, it can happen to them too. They may start to feel anxious or confused if you’re late without notice. They might wonder what happened or if something is wrong. A simple text or voicemail message goes a long way.
3. They might say things that sound unusual or off-topic, but that’s how their brain works.
Sometimes in a conversation, they’ll reply in a way that doesn’t seem related. But they are responding in their own way. Try saying, “Oh, I hadn’t thought of it like that”, or “That’s an interesting idea.” Those simple responses make them feel heard. It shows you’re listening, even if the connection isn’t apparent to you.
4. Be gentle with time reminders.
They can lose track. Remind them softly. “We have to leave at 2 p.m. sharp”, or “We have an hour to eat dinner, then we can go to the concert.” Say it with warmth, not pressure.
From my experience, sometimes my son thinks I’m nagging him. Bless him. But then I explain that I’m just reminding him and that I mean well.
5. If you’re the employer and they’re late, please, please be diplomatic.
Just say, “It’s okay, but may I suggest that you give yourself enough time in case there are problems with the train?” They don’t need harshness. They need kind and gentle reminders. Who doesn’t?
6. If they don’t seem comfortable and you’re not sure why, ask them directly — but gently.
Ask, “Are you okay?” or “You look a bit worried. What’s up?” Or even, “What are you thinking about?” Trust me, they’ll tell you. And once they feel safe and reassured, you’ll see them start to relax. Sometimes, a few words of reassurance are enough for them to be at ease again.
7. Honesty. They love honesty.
I remember one moment clearly. It was someone’s teenage birthday party. My son Gabriel pulled me aside and said, “Mom, with this handsome face, I just want to be alone at the moment. So don’t ask me to mingle.” At first, I thought, “Should I talk to him about humility?” But then I realised he wasn’t showing off. He was saying what he felt. And for him, that was the truth. He’s never lied about what he feels. And I respect that.
8. If you’re in a conversation and the other person seems confused or says something you can’t relate to, don’t act shocked.
Don’t say, “Are you serious?” or “That’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard.” Say “Right” or “Okay.” Accept it even if it’s different. Especially if it’s different. That’s social acceptance. And that’s a big thing for them.
9. They’re not from another planet. They just think differently.
And let’s face it — we all think differently. So why expect sameness from them?
I honestly believe the world is more exciting because of autistic people. Imagine if everyone were neurotypical.
Would we grow in compassion? In patience? In empathy? Maybe not. They make us better simply by being who they are.
10. Your chances of meeting someone who is autistic in this world are high.
Who knows? You might even fall in love with that person. And when that happens, you’ll probably be glad that you read this. You’ll be better prepared. You’ll understand more. And they’ll feel safer with you.
11. In all relationships, it is a two-way street.
You can’t just expect autistic people to adjust to you. Why not meet them halfway?
Trying to understand someone who is different from us is a form of helping.
It makes them feel safe in the world we live in,
and that small act is enough to make the world a little softer for them.
