Do you know what to do if there's a zombie apocalypse?

Vinia Majaba
4 min readJun 4, 2022
Photo by Daniel Jensen on Unsplash

I have no idea why I love horror films, especially zombies. Most of my siblings love them, too. I think it runs in the family!

Let me confess one thing. Many years ago (when I was in my teens), my elder sister and I went to the cinema and watched four horror films in one day. Of course, it was the weekend, so we could indulge in gory movies without feeling "guilty". We both felt very edgy at the end and went home by bus. It was almost midnight. As we got off on our stop, someone behind me (a lady staying in the same apartment as we were) tapped me on my shoulder. I screamed so loud that I apologised and explained to her that we had been watching horror films all day. She shook her head, smiled, and said, "What are you like?"

Anyway, back to the subject. What would you do if it happened? Let's say they are the modern zombies who want you for dinner. They also run amazingly fast as if they had been practising to join the Olympics! Too bad if you have arthritis. That's the time you wish you could turn into birds.

Here are my tips (please share yours in the "Comments" section):

1. Don't worry about taking a bath, putting on your makeup, or brushing your teeth. Who would care anyway? The dead? You've got to be kidding me! Use wet wipes and mouth spray if you're still worried that someone might smell you.

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2. Sell all your stocks and shares whilst hammering your front door and try to get the best price!

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3. Stock up on breakfast bars. They are lighter to carry than canned goods, and your back will thank you for it.

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4. Stock up on your favourite drink, too. If you’re worried that the food might run out, have a glass of vino but take it easy, okay? Never ask me to bring on the slow zombies because you have a hangover.

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5. Learn how to sleep on a tall tree without falling on the ground. Better still, learn Spiderman's techniques! Trust me; it will become handy when you find yourself on the edge of a tall building and nowhere to go.

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6. Buy the most lightweight, durable, and waterproof trainers. It will be your loyal companion whilst running for your life!

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7. I have always liked the idea of being able to fly. I think the nearest option will be to buy the GIANT drone and sit on it. Make sure it's fully charged. You don't want to crash into the ground in the middle of the hungry horde when it runs out of battery.

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8. If you know Karate, use it and aim for the head!

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9. Trust no one. Just because it's your best mate, your spouse, or your favourite sister doesn't mean they will spare you. Nope!!

10. Finally, whilst sitting quietly in your attic (unfortunately, this time, there's no more food and water left). Pray that someone who looks like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise will knock and say, "They're all gone! You can come out now, Luv!" When that happens, ask him, "Blimey! What on earth took you so long?"

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Thanks a lot for reading and all your support. I thought I would write something different this time. Just watch your back because they’re still out there!